For Movies August Is The Best Month Of The Year

Not May or November or June or December, August Is The Month That Brings The Most To The Table

The months of the year have been pretty well defined by hollywood. September and January are throwaway months where the studios dump movies to die. October is the month of the Oscar hopeful, big star driven dramas. November is when Christmas movies come out. December gives the big budget oscar hopefuls that will make a ton of money so even if they don't win an award it really doesn't matter, and the action flicks that were not deemed "summer" worthy. March is where THE spring movie drops. February and April serve as a bridge between seasons and are filled with inexpensive (relatively) movies some of which will hit it big. May, June, July... everyone knows what May, June and July are. And that leaves us with August. What's August? August is all of the above.

That's what makes August so great. Everything can work in August and everything can fail, and the predicting is seemingly impossible. Why? While the rest of the months are reasonably defined August exists in multiple movie worlds. August is at once the last month of the summer movie season and is often the difference for hollywood having good summer or a great summer (or a bad summer) AND August is a dead zone where back to school and back to football (and the Olympics this year) all work against the box office.

Here are my 4 favorite things about August

The FFG on TV: Could A&E's Longmire Actually Be Good?

If Last Sunday's Episode Was Any Indication The Answer Is Yes

I watch a handful of different kinds of TV shows. I am not talking about comedies or dramas or reality, I am talking about DVR shows and shows I can watch anytime when I am flipping through the channels. That is really the way we all watch isn't it? Different shows fill different needs. When it comes to scripted shows the one's I watch fall into three categories; shows I obsess over, shows I DVR and enjoy but never think of as great and shows I know I should watch more but I always seem to forget to watch them. Technically I suppose I should have added a fourth category of sitcoms I'll watch to kill time before primetime starts (The Big Bang Theory on TBS currently, though everything from Friends to Seinfeld to Cheers to Taxi has held that distinction at one time or another), but really that's it. Longmire on A&E was firmly in the DVR and watch but never think it is truly great category (like most of the dramas on USA or TNT or A&E), a nice summer diversion that can eat up time on Sunday nights before True Blood and Newsroom come on HBO or more often something I can save to watch when there is nothing on on a Wednesday night. I never, in a million years, would have thought it could ever be something more than that, and I am no saying it is yet, but it sure feels like a show that is figuring itself out.

Opening July 27th: Big Budget versus The Art House ... No Contest This Week

Depending On What Kind Of Movies You Count This Is Either The Best Reviewed Weekend of the Year Or The Worst

There is a movie reviewer I like, Jeff Vice, who each week splits the new releases into two categories; the Artsy's and the Fartsy's. Leaving the juvenile alliteration aside he points out a truth we all know, movies are either big-budget "studio" flicks or the are indy/foreign/documentary/art house flicks. The truth is those two categories are as different as HBO shows and CBS shows. It is an apt comparison because HBO shows are given the benefit of the doubt and praised more quickly and easily by critics while CBS shows are dismissed in spite of the fact that about 5 times as many people watch them week to week. Which one should count more, which one is more important? I don't know the answer (either for TV or for the movies) or even know that it matters, but if it does matter, this is the week to look at it.

This week, we have two "Fartsy's" or "CBS" category movies that happen to be two of the worst reviewed movies of the summer. The Watch has received an impressive 18% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The 18% is impressive because that means it is worse than Step Up Revolution, which received a 24% Rotten Tomatoes score. Easy math, the two big budget releases averaged a 21% score. That is really not good. How bad? Well, the second week of May is the weekend of the biggest disappointments of the summer. Battleship, What To Expect When You're Expecting and The Dictator all underperformed (to put it lightly) and were killed by reviewers. They averaged a 38% score on Rotten Tomatoes. The last Madea movie had a better score than this weeks two releases. This week is the worst reviewed weekend of the summer, if all you count is the big releases. However...

This week also features 8 "Artsy" or "HBO" movies. They average 84.2% on Rotten Tomatoes and all of them are certified "fresh", making this (given the number of movies in the "Artsy" category) the best reviewed and deepest weekend of the summer.

So which is it? Is this a weekend you should forget about movies and catch-up on what you missed or is this a weekend to search your local art house theater and VOD provider to see if you can take advantage of the weekend of the year? It is probably the first. No, its definitely first.

Zack Snyder's Man of Steel Is Finally, Briefly, Here

The Superman Reboot Has A Trailer ... And It Stinks

Superman is not tortured like Batman. Superman's conflict is how much should he do, because he can do so much. Richard Donner nailed this in his first two Superman movies 30 years ago, but first Bryan Singer and now I fear Zack Snyder want to go darker, more real, with the Man of Steel. The problem is, if Superman is real then you are left with Watchmen, the world changed in horrible ways. Look, I hope I am wrong, I want Snyder's reboot to work and be great, but this teaser trailer is not giving me high hopes.

Opening July 20th: Is There Anyone In The Known Universe Who Doesn't Know What Opens on July 20th?

A Second Question: Is There Anyway The Dark Knight Rises Can Be Everything Everybody Wants It To Be?

Will She Be Michelle Pfeifer
or Halle Barry?

The Dark Knight Rises is in a position only two other films in movie history have been in; it is the end of a trilogy and following 2nd Act of the trilogy changed the game and raised the bar to unprecedented heights. There have been plenty of trilogies in movies and they generally fall into on of three categories (don't you just love forced symmetry?)

Category #1 - The Second Movie Disappoints (or sometimes just sucks); examples include The Matrix, Indiana Jones (I don't count the last one, so it qualifies as a trilogy to me), Back to the Future, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (The Millennium Trilogy technically), The Dollars Trilogy, The Pirates of the Caribbean and many more. Usually the second act disappoints for one of three reasons, either the bar was set too high (How would anything have lived up to Raiders of the Lost Ark?), or the story was really done after the first movie an the continuation was forced (Back to the Future), or the people that wrote the first one weren't nearly as clever as we all thought they were (The Matrix).

What To Watch At Midnight: Drive Angry

From the first frame of Drive Angry you can tell this is an insanely silly film. Scratch that, from the first time you saw a preview or heard anyone's description of Drive Angry you knew it was an insanely silly film. In fact, after watching it, silly isn't really the right word, it's stupid.  But whether it is silly or stupid or dumb or schlock or whatever other derogatory term you want to label it the other inescapable truth while viewing it is that it knows EXACTLY what it is and never even for an instant tries to be anything else. If you make it past the first two minutes of Drive Angry you have entered into a pact with the filmmakers, you have agreed to throw reason out the window and they have agreed to never try to interject reason into the movie. And that can be a good thing.

The plot, such as it is, revolves around Milton (played by Mr. "I'll Make Any Movie" Cage), an all-around bad dude who, while in Hell (because he is dead and like I said, is a bad dude) sees his daughter murdered by a cult and his granddaughter kidnapped and pegged for human sacrifice in a couple of days. Milton then does what any good father would do, he escapes from Hell and goes about trying to rescue his granddaughter from the crazy satan cult by driving around the south angrily and killing a lot of people. Along the way he helps out a spunky and attractive waitress (played by "I know the name but I can't think of anything she has been in" Amber Heard, who looks great and really seems to be having a lot of fun playing Piper) who for truly inexplicable reasons sticks with Milton through his killing spree. Of course, Piper and Milton don't just have to contend with Billy Burk's cult (man, Billy Burk must really hate being seen as Bella's dad because he seems to be choosing any and every part he can find that plays to the anti-Twilight crowd) they also have to deal with William Fichtner's The Accountant, the man sent from Hell to pursue Milton and bring him back. Sex, violence, over-acting and some surprising effective comedy ensue.

Like I said, just hearing a brief description kills some brain cells.

How Can You Top This Batman? Here's Some Unsolicited Advice

As the reviews begin to pour in and the excitement begins to rev up for Friday's The Dark Knight Rises premiere it is hard not to realize that Batman is at an all time high. Not only in Nolan's trilogy conclusion sure to be epic and defining, comic books geeks are aware that the Batman comic book (the one truly great relaunch in DC's New 52 initiative, a book that is already getting comic book of the year consideration) has just completed the best Batman story arc in years with the end of Night of the Owls. So where does Batman go now? Sure we will all bask in the brilliance of what we have just read and are about to see for a time, but DC and Warner Brothers don't really have that luxury. They need to make a plan for the most successful comic book character of all time (when you look at both its comic book impact and how well the character has translated to other mediums including the brilliant video games Arkham Asylum and Arkham City it is hard to make an argument for anyone else). And that is why I am here to help with some entirely unsolicited advice.

In no particular order, and with some concession that some of these are conflicting ideas (you'll see why when you read on), her are some of the things Warner Brothers and DC should be thinking about.

Opening July 13th: Oops ... Fortunately I Didn't Miss Much

If The Cut Weren't Excuse Enough, How About A Concussion

Since I started this thing earlier this year I have only put one scheduling rule on myself - that I will write up weekly previews every Thursday. And I have stuck to that rule every week until last week. You can see the post I did on Friday to see the bulk of the excuse and if that isn't enough you should know that the whole wiping out thing not only resulted in this awesome picture of me but it turns out 320 lbs. landing on its head causes concussions too (who knew?). So I have not only looked awesome for the last few days I have felt spectacular as well. Of course this accident has resulted in a few good things:

• I have a new found respect for football players complaining about concussions.
• I have a bunch of really cool photos of my black eye
• I have started a second blog with daily lessons so people can look and feel as great as I do (and because I think we can all agree what the internet needs is more unqualified advice)
• When you have the opportunity to have a Nick Nolte mug shot-like picture of yourself you take it!

Still, I did feel guilty about missing my Thursday deadline, that is until I looked at the movies released last week. This is now the third time we have seen this, a week that is so clearly the sacrificial lamb before to the box office gods before our cinematic world is devoured once again. The devourer this time will not be Katniss or The Avengers, the devourer will be Batman. So, the week before Chris Nolan ends his trilogy of The Dark Knight we got Ice Age and a bunch of VOD and art house releases, few of which had any real buzz. It is as though the movie gods knew that this was the week to not bother with write-ups. Having said that, for the sake of continuity here is a quick list of what we missed:

I May Not Get Movie Previews Done

Generally I Post my weekend previews on Thursday night. I doubt I will get them up today. It turns out fat old film nerds aren't made to ride inner tubes down water park slides. If you don't believe me just take a gander at what happened to me today.

I'll post about movies tomorrow. Tonight will find me loopy on pain killers with an ice pack on my eye.

4 Things True Blood Needs To Do To Be Fun Again

The FFG On TV Wants True Blood Back To What It Was

What Happened To The Stupid
Show I fell In Like With?

When I wrote in June about being the last person to watch and enjoy True Blood I, like every True Blood fan (and yes, I was far from the last one), made a lot of concessions to what True Blood was and wasn't. True Blood was silly fun, like a Roger Corman movie with a higher budget. True Blood wasn't thought provoking or sly social commentary masked as pulp TV. My love for True Blood stemmed from embracing the silly and feeling like the writers and actors were doing the same. After watching last nights episode, and thinking back on season 5 so far, I must admit it is becoming harder and harder to find the kind of silly fun that was once the show. One almost feels like the actors, the writers, the directors and everyone else involved in True Blood collectively decided that they needed to go deeper and in different directions, they needed to stop being goofy and start to make these characters "real" and "relatable", they needed to show the critics that this show was more than just a silly romp through the deep south with monsters. True Blood is making a huge mistake. Fortunately they haven't gone past the point of no return yet. The seeds of what we once loved is still there, they just need to start doing a few things to get us all back to where we want to be. Here are the 4 things they need to do:

Opening July 6th: Acquired Tastes

None Of These Flavors Are For Everyone, But If You Like Them You Really Like Them

If You Are A Fan
(e.g. a girl between the ages of 13 and 25)
This Is The Weekend For You!

Generally, and particularly in the summer, hollywood tries to stack weekends with movies that will appeal to everyone. Sure movies may have a specific subset, be it geeks (The Avengers) or families (Brave) or teenage boys (Battleship) or teenage girls (anything starring one of the kids from the Disney Chanel) or couples (anything rated "R" that stars a current or former "America's sweetheart") or whatever other broad groupings you can come up with, but the hope is that along with the core demographic there will be broad appeal. It seems like this weekend hollywood believed any and all broad appeal was going to be eaten up by a movie that was released on Tuesday (The Amazing Spider-Man), so for this weekend the studio went really specific. They went with movies that will only appeal to specific groups. You think xyz Miley Cyrus flick is specific to teen girls, how about a Katy Perry concert documentary? You think Transformers or The Expendables is tailored to young men, how about an Oliver Stone flick about pot dealers who are living in a perpetual manage-a-tois who get into a violent war with a Mexican drug cartel? Those descriptions either get you excited or turn you off, there is no "yeah, maybe I'll check that out" about them. They are like liver or escargot, if you love it you really love it but it is not meant for most people.

Opening July 3rd: The Not Quite Amazing But Still Pretty Good Spider-Man

The Amazing Spider-Man Is A Classic Example Of What Expectations Can Do To A Movie

Before judging the new one
remember how bad this one was

The Amazing Spider-Man finds itself in a position akin to being the unlucky guy that has to follow a Hall of Fame Quarterback after he was forced out of town, and in the history of the NFL only two people have successfully followed a Hall of Fame Quarterback. Just like those unlucky QB's, The Amazing Spider-Man is being forced to compete with memory, with legend, with fans being predisposed to not thinking the new one can possibly be as good as the old one. And, just like Steve Young or Aaron Rogers (the 2 guys that followed legends successfully) Andrew Garfield and the rest of the new Spidey team is almost being blamed for something they had nothing to do with. Why is Spider-Man being relaunched exactly 10 years after Sam Raimi and Toby Maguire first brought our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man to the bid screen? Because Sony had to.

So, for those of you who don't know, the reason we have a new Spider-Man is because Sony was going to loose the rights to the web slinger if they didn't put out another movie (as is true of Fox's agreement with X-Men, if either studio does not release a movie featuring those characters for a certain number of year the rights to those characters go back to Marvel). With Sam Raimi out and Toby Maguire out (and really getting too old to play Peter Parker) Sony was faced with a tricky decision, how do we introduce a new Spider-Man? Clearly the history of Batman played a big role in how Sony decided to move forward. In the 90's Warner Brothers replaced the creative team of Batman and tried just keeping the franchise going and it almost destroyed the most valuable superhero property of all time. However, the two times Batman completely reinvented itself (in 1989 with Tim Burton's Batman and again in 2005 with Nolan's Batman Begins) they did so to massive success. Would Sony have preferred to wait another few years before relaunching Spidey? Probably, but that wasn't an option and, to their mind, neither was acting like we are just keeping a franchise going with a new lead, a new director and an entirely new feel. So we are left with... we are left with the oddest feeling re-boot of all-time. A relaunching that feels confusing (I have honestly heard kids asking "what happened to Peter Parker and Mary Jane? Did they die?") and absurd and yet, knowing the predicament Sony was in, entirely necessary.

Getting back to The Amazing Spider-Man, its success or relative failure seems destined to hinge on whether fans can let view it in a vacuum, can they appreciate what this Spider-Man is without perpetually saying "well, Toby Maguire really captured Peter Parker better." And as I have thought about this predicament I believe I have come up with the perfect solution. Before going to see The Amazing Spider-Man everyone should watch Spider-Man 3 again. If your memory of Toby Maguire's Spidey is him doing that awful dance down the street with the worst and dorkiest looking haircut of all time (don't believe me, watch the clip below) Andrew Garfield will survive the comparison just fine.

The Amazing Spider-Man

Interest Level: 8

Interest Level for Spider-Man in 2002: 10

Just in the last month or so the stuff we are seeing (trailers, featurettes, etc.) is starting to look like the makers of the Spider-Man get it. Does Andrew Garfield still look too skinny? Yes. Am I worried they are not going to make Peter Parker dorky enough or Spider-Man funny enough? Absolutely. But the special effects look amazing and casting the endlessly watchable and engaging Emma Stone was a stroke of genius (Kirsten Dunst's Mary Jane was always my least favorite part of the previous incarnation, I doubt I will say that about Gwen Stacey). Look, I'm not sure I remember the last movie that had this much comparison to overcome. It has to overcome our comparisons to Sam Raimi's Spider-Man, it has to overcome comparisons to The Avengers, it has to overcome comparisons to The Dark Knight Rises, can anything totally overcome all of that? I doubt it. In fact the reviews, which have been coming in mixed, have shared as their #1 critique its failings in those comparisons. Having said that, if you can go in expecting little but a fun superhero movie I suspect this will achieve that standard and then some. So, can you temper your expectations? I hope I can.

Conclusion

Expectations, they can kill a movie. Would it be possible for anyone who hasn't seen The Avengers yet to see it and not be a little disappointed? It's so hot and the hyperbole is so over the top that anything other than the greatest movie of all time would seem like a disappointment (and I would argue that if you have not seen The Avengers yet than you are not the type of person who would find it to be the greatest movie of all time). How many people were disappointed with Prometheus just because it wasn't the greatest sic-fi movie of all time? The Amazing Spider-Man is going to be a good, fun movie IF you can go into wanting nothing more than that.

But hey, what do I know, I'm fat.