New Prometheus International Launch Trailer

This Trailer Looks Awesome!

Com'on, this has to get you going a little bit, doesn't it?

Happy Birthday May Jane

Kirsten Dunst turns 30 today

It seems like only yesterday that she was a teenager running away from a CGI stampede with Robin Williams, but time has come and gone and Kirsten Dunst has actually aged. While she hasn't always made great movies (How To Lose Friends and Alienate People, Elizabethtown, Marie Antoinette, Spider-Man 3) since it is her big day I thought I could list 5 movies you could marathon today to see why she has had the career she has had.



Spider-Man (2002) - She made a really good Mary Jane Watson, playing popular and unaware of Peter without making you hate her in the process. She also wasn't an obnoxious victim throughout. Both those things may not seem like much but go watch other like movies and see how few actresses can pull that off.

Brin It On (2000) - Launched an nearly endless run of mostly horrible sequels, but this one is really pretty good. Of course, I don't need to tell you that. We have all seen this movie 1,000 times on the USA Network.

Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999) - Here is a movie that if you haven't seen you should really check out. All of the female leads (Kirstie Alley, Ellen Barkin, Denise Richards) are really funny (yes, even Denise Richards) in this beauty pageant comedy, but the movie is really stolen by Allison Janney (neither the first or the last movie that she has stolen with a supporting part).

The Virgin Suicides (1999) - Comedy in Drop Dead Gorgeous and drama in The Virgin Suicides. 1999 was a pretty good year for Kirsten. This movie seemed to get more press for Sophia Coppola's directorial debut, but Dunst really holds is the one who holds it together on screen.

Interview With A Vampire (1994) - She was, by far, the best part of this movie (although Tom Cruise wasn't as bad as some people made him out to be as Lestat) and this is really where you could see that she had something. Her performance was all the more impressive since she had, in many ways, the most adult role in the entire movie, playing the child vampire who cannot age, and pulled off every scene effortlessly.

So happy 30th Kirsten and please NEVER try to make another sports movie (Wimbledon is un-watchably horrible, particularly the tennis, Kirsten is no athlete).

Should Michael Bay Sue?

When Michael Bay was looking at his Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen did he see the future of Hollywood action movies? Clearly no critics did, because they attacked that movie mercilessly (it's not a great movie to be sure, but really, what did you expect from a movie about alien robots and produced by a toy company?). But watch the Battleship trailer and tell me that doesn't look EXACTLY like a Transformers movie. Cool looking machines flying in from on high, check. Everyone in the movie is tan and sweating, check. All the women are good looking and perpetually posing for unseen cameras, check. Weird machine sounds that lets us know Transformers were changing and I'm not sure what they are telling us in Battleship, check.

Apparently I Am The Only Person Who Thought They Looked Good

The Pirates ..., Five-Year Engagement, Safe and The Raven ALL Under Perform At The Weekend Box Office.

Maybe it needed
Johnny Depp?

I thought the new releases looked good this weekend (as evidenced by my weekend preview post), but apparently most everyone else didn't agree. The Pirates! Band of Misfits fared the best over the weekend ($11.4 million) and finished in a virtual tie for second place at the box office (with The Hunger Games and The Lucky One), not what Sony had hoped for. The Five-Year Engagement (just under $11 million, good enough for 5th place) doesn't appear to have any chance at being the sneaky break out comedy of the early summer. And Safe ($7.7 million) and The Raven ($7.4 million) seem destined for a quick turn around to DVD (probably by July 4th).

This kind of drop right before a huge opening isn't entirely uncommon, but given the audiences The Pirates... and Five-Year Engagement were going for the studios have to be pretty disappointed in their respective performance.

Was Anyone Clamoring For A Knocked Up Sequel?

They weren't the stars of Knocked Up, right?

I liked Knocked Up, not as much as The 40 Year Old Virgin or Bridesmaids, but I liked it. Still, I am pretty sure in the intervening years I have never once said to myself "man, when are they going to make a sequel to Knocked Up?" And I am entirely certain I have never thought "when they make the necessary Knocked Up sequel it had better be about Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd's characters and not have Seth Rogen or Katherine Heigel anywhere in sight."

I present to you the trailer for Thi Is 40, the Knocked Up sequel focussing on Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann and with no Seth Rogen or Katherine Heigel anywhere in sight (no joke, it is really coming out this Christmas).

How Big Will The Avengers Be?

The Cast Of The Avengers

If there was every any question that The Avengers was going to be HUGE news just came out that The Avengers grossed $71 million in its first 3 days of international release (made more impressive by not being out in Japan, Russia or China yet) and it pre-sales are greater than all of the previous Marvel movies combined here in the U.S. Crazy!

***UPDATE***

MORE COMPLETE NUMBER ARE IN. THE AVENGERS TOOK IN $178 MILLION IN INTERNATIONAL MARKETS OVER THE WEEKEND AFTER ALL THE TALLIES HAVE COME IN. AND IT HAS YET TO OPEN IN THE FOUR BIGGEST MOVIE MARKETS (U.S., RUSSIS, JAPAN, CHINA).

New GI Joe Trailer - Am I Insane To Be Excited?

Is it just me or does The Rock make everyone look small?

Yesterday I don't love a Pixar trailer, and today I get all excited about a GI Joe trailer? I had better check my med levels.

Does Brave Look Like A Pixar Movie To You?

Does This LOOK Like a Pixar Movie?

Even with the first disappointment in Pixar's history last summer (the very pedestrian Cars 2) I am still inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. But when I watch the new trailer for Brave, Pixar's 2012 would be blockbuster, I'm not going to lie to you, there is some doubt.

Look, its not the female empowerment, I like that, it's that the movie feels like it is an amalgamation of other movies. The Viking/Scottish thing feels like How To Train Your Dragon. The Archery contest is right out of the animated Robin Hood. Even the animation looks a little bit like Tangled, just done better.

Is anyone else seeing this or am I just crazy?

The Perfect Weekend Of Movies

Opening April 27th:

A weekend of movies is when you go to your local multiplex for the whole day Saturday and the entire day Sunday. If you start with a matinee you should be able to get in four movies each day (and, if you are lucky, your multiplex will let you just stay inside and see all four movies with just the one ticket). That is eight movies in 48 hrs. Now, normally a weekend of movies only works in the middle of the summer or during the holiday season if you haven't gone to the movies for a couple of weeks. That way there is a significant backlog of films you want to see. What's great about this week's new releases is that, while it may not have an Avengers of Hunger Games-like conquer the universe movie, it does have eight (maybe even nine) movies that you should be excited to see. Hence, your weekend of movies.

The important thing about making a weekend of movies work (and yes, I have done this a few times, although only once two days in a row for the full-blown weekend of movies) is the order. Don't start with your favorite and work your way down. You won't make it past three. You've got to spread stuff out, change gears and leave carrots dangling in front of you to keep you going. If you are planning out your weekend, here is the order I would suggest.

What I Watched At Midnight - Catch .44

Maybe It Is Harder To Write Like Tarantino Than You Thought

Quentin Tarantino is one of my all time favorite directors without caveat or equivocation. When I watched Catch .44 last night I couldn't help but feel like Quentin Tarantino inadvertently set movie making back*. How? Because he made movies that thought of themselves as being clever. Before Tarantino that was considered bad writing, now it is considered meta or hip or some such thing. Like I said, I love Tarantino so obviously in the right hands a self congratulatory movie can work but in less talented hands, like the hands that made Catch .44, woof, it makes for some bad movie making.

The only thing that saves Catch .44 from being unwatchable is the cast. Malin Akerman is watchable and versatile as always as she leads her little gang of hot, gun toting, tough talking women that includes Nikki Reed (really trying to break out of the Twilight stereo type) and Deborah Ann Wall (not showing any of the innocence that makes her so great on True Blood). The movie is plenty slow enough to allow for elongated conversations between the three to show off how clever the writers are, but to their credit, all three women give it their all and show something between flashes and proof that they have more talent than merely looking good. Bruce Willis and Forest Whitaker are also here, chewing up scenery and following the direction of "what your character as weird as you want". Still, they are both pros and know how to make weird a little interesting. Shea Wingham and Brad Douriff even get nice little turns in bit parts.

The 25 Greatest Pirate Movies Of All Time

and no, it isn't all Johnny Depp and Errol Flynn.

If you have been reading this site for the last few months you have no doubt noticed that one of the movies I am most excited about in 2012 is opening this weekend -- The Pirates - Band of Misfits. I think it looks hysterically funny and will be just the right movie for me and my 8 year old son to see and enjoy. With its release mere days away I figured what better time than to do a list of the greatest pirate movies of all time. That should be fun a relatively easy to come up with, right? Well, it turns out it was definitely fun, but not all that easy.

Hollywood has a long history with pirate movies to be sure, it just so happens that most of them stink. We forget because of the success of Captain Jack but I looked over lists and lists of people top 10, 20 or 100 pirate movies and you know what was on 50% of those lists - Pirates (2005), an adult film. And no one was putting it on their lists ironically. I think we can all agree that if porn can match the highest quality of a genre, the quality of most of the genre isn't very high (to be fair, I have not seen this particular adult feature, so maybe it is the Citizen Kane of the adult film industry and I am being too hard on it, but I doubt it). Having said that, there were some gems I had forgotten and some classics I was excited to look at again. With out further ado here is the list, and we shall see on April 27th if the new pirate will stack up with what we have here (I know, I should have done some cliche pirate line, but I just couldn't make myself).

Rich Ross Is Fired (No Wait, He "Resigned") From Disney

Does This Seem Fair To You?

Was He Really To Blame?

So it is October of 2009 and you are Rich Ross and your career could not be going any better. Your resume includes successful runs at Nickelodeon (where you were part of the team that brought us The Kid's Choice Awards among other successes) and at FX (where you helped launch the channel) and you have just turned Disney's cable properties into a massively profitable division by bringing the world Hannah Montana, The Wizards of Waverly Place and the High School Musical franchise. Now Bob Iger, the head of Disney, brings you into his office and offers you a new job -- to be the head of Disney Studios, how thrilled are you? You are so happy that you barely notice that the director of a couple of Pixar's big hits has a passion project green lit based on some old science fiction novels.

OK, You Hate Mel Gibson

He's Back - Kind Of

I Know, I'm The Last Mel Gibson Fan In The World

Mel Gibson certainly has more than a few personal problems, I get that, but I still think he is capable of making an entertaining movie. If you have Direct TV you may be able to see one on May 1st - Get The Gringo.

Prometheus' Marketing Is Winning Me Over

Prometheus Is Rapidly Ascending On My List Of Summer Movies To Look Forward To

Where Does It Rank On You "Can't Wait" Meter?

The news surrounding Ridley Scott's Prometheus always felt disjointed enough to keep my excitement at bay. First it was an Alien prequel (which sounds awesome), then it wasn't and now it is but we just can't say that it is because the studio doesn't want us to (and reportedly doesn't think Noomi Rapace is a big enough star). Its all confusing. Then I saw the trailer ...

and I started to get a wee bit excited. Then I saw the Guy Pearce "viral" video ...

Zac Efron Will Kick Katniss' A**

Opening April 20th:

Do You Care That You've Seen It Before?

Let's see, a soldier falls in love with a picture that he believes is his lucky charm so when he comes home he goes searching for the girl, they fall in love, something happens that makes them wonder if they should be together, they realize they real love each other and all ends well. In other words it is Message in a Bottle meets Dear John with a little The Notebook thrown in. Have you seen it? If you've seen all of the other adaptations of Nicholas Sparks works then yeah, you have. But, if you saw those other movies I am willing to bet you don't care if this is repetitive, you just want to be swept away in a love story, so you will go to The Lucky One.

Or ...

We can watch four guys, three of whom are black, hang out and stubble through their relationships or lack there of. Think Why Did I Get Married with a younger and slightly better looking cast. Have you seen it? If you love Tyler Perry flicks then yes you have. But, if you love Tyler Perry flicks I am willing to bet that you still look forward to going to the movies and laughing at and with these characters, so you will go to Think Like A Man.

Awesome News Of The Day

Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels are coming back to Dumb and Dumber

Article on EW.com

I've got to say, I think this awesome! Check out my favorite scene:

When Did Star Wars "Jump the Shark"?

Why Did We Ever Take This Seriously?

There has been some geek outrage over the incorporation of dance central into the new Star Wars Kinnect game on Xbox. Like the other outrage that flows out of every thing that comes out of Skywalker Ranch I would simply ask do you realize you are taking Star Wars WAY more seriously than the makers and most fans ever did?

Check this out if you don't believe me:

If Donny and Marie can do Star Wars what do any of us care what else happens.

SUMMER DOESN'T START UNTIL MEMORIAL DAY!

The Avengers Opens May 4th - 3 Weeks Before School Is Out!

Look, I can't wait for The Avengers, it can't get here soon enough, but it shouldn't get here until May 25th. You can't wear white and you can't call a movie a "Summer" movie until Memorial Day. It is an unwritten law (well, its been written often, there is merely no authority behind the writing). The movie studios don't care about rules. They don't care that it is hard enough to keep kids focussed through May without adding their wanting to go see Iron Man fight Loki and the Skrulls (yes, I know Wedon has come out and said that they are not the Skrulls, I'm just not sure I believe him). Since 1983, when Return of the Jedi launched summer by dominating the box office, Memorial Day weekend's big movie was something to look forward to, like going to the pool or sleeping in on a Monday or having no homework.

So, who is to blame for this? Well, many point to The Mummy Returns in 2001, which was released on the first weekend of May, but I look at the next year. Sony Pictures released a little movie called Spider-Man on May 3, 2002 and forever more the summer movie season has started on the first weekend of May. I hope you can sleep at night Sam Raimi.

Who Are Your Favorite Female Action Stars?

The Mount Rushmore Of ... Female Action Stars

Who Do We Thank For All Of This?

Having watched Zoe Saldana's most recent foray into the action genre in Columbiana I got to thinking that we are in the midst of a female action boom. Just look at 2012 so far:

• As the year starts The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is still going strong in it's 2nd week of release, on its way to grossing $232 million worldwide.
• January 20th saw the release of yet another Underworld movie (which ended up #1 at the box office that week) and Haywire, Steven Soderberg's attempted launching of Gina Carano into the action world.
• January 27th brought One For The Money, Katherine Heigel's first action flick (sorry, I didn't count The Killers mostly because I am trying to forget about the existence of The Killers).
• March 15th brings the premiere of Missing on ABC, Ashley Judd's turn at making Taken into a TV series.
• March 23rd KATNISS EVERDEEN is unleashed on the world in The Hunger Games.

So what brought us to this boom? Was it Angelina Jolie and the fact that she is only a sure fire box office bet when she is toting guns? Was it Uma Thurman and the trail of bodies she left in Kill Bill? Was it Trinity in The Matrix? Was it the continued financial success of both the Resident Evil franchise and the Underworld franchise? The answer of course is yes to all of that an so much more, but how far back to we have to go to see the birth of the modern female action star? Who makes up the Mount Rushmore of female action stars?

Sigourney Weaver as Ripley (The George Washington) - Some will argue that Ripley isn't really an "action" hero. They would be wrong. She is the start of how we view women in the action setting today, which is to say they are the same as men. Ripley could just have easily been a man. Watch the film again and you will see they wouldn't need to change a word of dialogue if Harrison Ford played Ripley instead of Sigourney Weaver. Ripley was also a strong enough character to build a franchise around (another first for women in this genre).

The Last Week At #1 For The Hunger Games?

Is Nicholas Sparks The Man To Take Down The Hunger Games?

Another easy win at the box office this week for Katniss and company, but it looks like it will be their last at #1. A sappy Nicholas Sparks adaptation is coming to the big screen on Friday and that should be enough to take down The Hunger Games.

They aren't my cup of tea, but there is no denying the success:

• The Last Song
• Dear John
• Nights In Rodanthe
• The Notebook
• A Walk To Remember
• Message In A Bottle

As long as his books are about 20 something (or younger) love they are adapted into box office gold. When he rights about actual grown ups in love, not so much.

The Fat Film Guy on TV - Game of Thrones

Is Game Of Thrones Good Enough To Make Me Subscribe To HBO?

Last summer my wife and I decided our cable bill was too high. With Netflix and Hulu and STARZ and ENCORE for free, we felt like the $10 or $20 bucks we were spending on HBO and SHOWTIME just wasn't worth it (of course this was all before I launched the site, so that alone may force me to re-think the entire thing). So, we agreed that, as soon as TRUE BLOOD was over (one of my admitted guilty pleasures) we would drop those channels, which we did.

The truth is, I haven't really missed them much. The movies come out so long after their release that I don't feel like I am missing anything I can't see a number of different ways other than HBO's Saturday Night Premiere (or is it Friday?). And while I was curious about LUCK and HOMELAND and I quite enjoyed the first season of SHAMELESS last year none of the series has seemed worth the price. And then I went on vacation, and our hotel had HBO and I watched the first two episodes of season 2 of Game of Thrones and now I am questioning our decision.

I liked season 1 of Game of Thrones for the most part and I felt like it got better and better as the year progressed. I suppose I felt about the show the same way I felt about the books, they were good, but long and slow in parts and walked a tightrope in danger of taking the selves too seriously. Never did I think that a new season of the show would be THE show that would make me re-think my position. But, as good as season 1 was at the end, I thought the first two episodes of season 2 were even better (I guess that isn't too surprising because I liked the second book better too). The pacing seems smoother and faster while never feeling forced or rushed. The morality play is no longer as black and white which makes it all much more interesting and the production quality still blows anything else on TV away (and most movies too, to be frank). So what do I do? Today I found myself searching blogs and reviews to find out what happened last night in the 3rd episode and I'm not sure that sounds fun week after week. Of course, it might only take a couple of weeks before I forget how much I liked what I saw on vacation and I can contentedly go back to Sunday's with nothing important to watch.

What is a good hour a week worth? Probably more than $20.

Alan Sepinwall's review of episode 3

Yes, Zoe Saldana is REALLY Hot

But is Columbiana REALLY Good?

No, but it could have been, maybe even should have been.

One of my favorite weekly podcasts is The Firewall & Iceberg Podcast. Dan Feinberg and Allan Sepinwall, two TV critics for HitFlix.com, spend an hour or more discussing in detail everything that is happening on TV (great to listen to while you are doing mindless work). I mention this because they often say, when reviewing a TV show that isn't good, that they could seen an alternate universe where the premise or the star or some element of the show would work. I can clearly see an alternate universe where Columbiana is a crowd pleasing blockbuster. But in this universe ... in this universe it is hard for me to imagine someone who wasn't annoyed and distracted by the lack of logic, lack of common sense, lack of explanation and sheer stupidity of nearly every person and plot point. And that is a shame because anyone who watched Columbiana I'm certain can picture Zoe Saldana as an action movie star, just not here.

Note: Spoilers Ahead, If You Think It Is Possible For Columbiana To Be Ruined Don't Read On

Friday the 13th Openings

Opening April 13th:
You Know, Friday The 13th ... Bad Luck ... Bad Mojo ... It All Fits

How Do They Feel About It?

The truth is no one knows exactly where the superstition of Friday the 13th actually comes from (sorry Dan Brown fans, the Nights Templar assassinations is not universally considered the impetus for our Friday The 13th superstition). While there are several idea floating about, the one that makes sense is simply that 13 has long been considered a weird number (12 is the good number -- there are 12 months, 12 apostles, 12 in a dozen, 12 inches in a foot, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 x 2 hours in a day, 12 successors to Muhammad in Shia Islam and so on) and friday was always viewed as an unlucky day, combine the two and you have undeniable bad mojo. Of course bad luck may be the only thing that can explain why on God's green earth anyone thought they should make a new Three Stooges movie. Sins against nature, isn't that the worst kind of luck?

Of course, life isn't all bad luck even on the unluckiest of days. There are 11 movies being released today and only the existence of one has put a damper on my vacation (I'm on vacation, which is why this has been my only article/post this week).

I'm Afraid of Katniss Everdeen

Opening April 6th:

It's Like Mike Tyson Trying To Book A Fight In The Late 80's

I Am The Hunger Games!

By 1989 Mike Tyson had so dominated and decimated the Heavyweight Division that there wasn't just nobody left to fight, there was no one who wanted to fight Tyson. The Hunger Games is Mike Tyson. A couple of would be contenders challenged Katniss last week and got pummeled, so this week we aren't left with much ... unless you are crazy for Kate and Leo (see April 4th openings) or American Pie changed your life or Willem Dafoe is the straw that stirs your drink or you have Metropolitan and Barcelona playing on a loop in your home. Then, maybe this week is exactly what you have been waiting for, for everyone else know that the lines have hopefully died down a little so this may be your weekend to be Hungry and play Games.

A Heineken, In The Bottle, Not On Tap

Morgan Spurlock Wasn't Kidding - 

Only Maybe The New Bond Movie Is the Greatest Movie Ever Sold

Just Give Me Whatever You Have On Tap

It's well past midnight, but I just heard about this and I felt compelled to say a quick something. In the upcoming James Bond movie, Skyfall, Mr. Bond will not be ordering a martini, shaken, stirred or otherwise. Instead Bond, James Bond will have a Heineken?!

Of course I shouldn't be shocked. In the 90's Bond ditched the Astin Martin in favor of BMW's. I wonder if President Obama offered them enough money if they would just make him 1/2 American. You know, they could just tweak his back story so that his mom was from New York but moved to England to marry his father or some such thing. Its just a thought.

Here is one of the early Skyfall videos:

New Avengers Clips

Can Earth's Mightiest Heroes Rule The World Box Office?

May 4th Can't Get Here Soon Enough

If you haven't seen them yet, a few new clips have been released for the Avengers movie. Clips and trailers should look great because they are showing you the best parts of the movie, but I have to say these do more than simply not disappoint. Might The Avengers have an outside shot of beating The Dark Knight Rises at the box office? I doubt it, but I must say my son, my wife and I are all way more excited about May 4th now.

Tony Stark Doing a Head Count For Loki

Nick Fury Talking About The Choices They Have To Make

Black Widow Proves She Belongs With The Big Boys

Which is your favorite?

Titanic Opens Today, So I Guess I Have To Comment On It

Opening April 4th:

I Blame George Lucas!

It used to be that to see an old movie in the theater you would have to go to an art house cinema, where they would do a 1 week engagement with Lawrence of Arabia, and that was when most of us had TV's that are the same size as today's computer monitors. Now, when it seems like nearly everyone has a 45" HD TV in their home, you would think we would all be content watching our old movies on Blu Ray or DVD. You would think we would all be content when the films are "digitally remastered" for our home entertainment systems. And it was that way until 3D. Now filmmakers have an excuse to put movies back into the theaters and so that is exactly what they are doing ... AND I HATE IT!

Titanic

Interest Level: 2

Ranking of the Actual movie: Level IV

I know there are a lot of James Cameron haters out there and there are those who will look at both my ranking of the movie and my interest in this re-release and mistakenly think I am one of them. The truth is I think James Cameron has made some great movies. Don't believe me? Here are my rankings for the movies James Cameron has Directed:

• Terminator - Level VIII
• Aliens - Level VIII
• The Abyss - Level VII
• Terminator 2: Judgement Day - Level VIII
• True Lies - Level VI
• Titanic - Level IV
• Avatar - Level IV

The problem with his last two movies is that he has gained too much power and nobody will edit him. Titanic could and should be 45 min. shorter, as should Avatar. What he does that has proven brilliant with both those movies is he ends them spectacularly, so that we forget we were bored out of our minds screaming "SINK THE BOAT ALREADY!" (or "GO TO WAR ALREADY!" in the case of Avatar). Obviously there are plenty of people for whom watching Leo and Kate flirt and fall in love over two hours was intoxicating and beautiful and you may enjoy watching them do just that in three dimensions. As for me, you would have to pay me handsomely to sit through it again, once was enough (at least at home I can fast forward to the ship sinking).

Epilogue

Maybe I am being unfair. This is not my favorite movie and 3D gives me a headache. Perhaps that should be my preview for Titanic. Simple, honest and it sums it all up nicely.

But that is just my opinion, and what do I know, I'm fat.

Justified Is As Good As TV Gets

The Fat Film Guy's

Random TV Ramblings

If You Aren't Watching Justified Raylan Given Might Come After You

As a Deadwood fan Justified had me interested before I ever saw an episode. Timothy Olyphant's Seth Bullock would be on my top 10 or 15  all time favorite TV characters and I have enjoyed many an Elmore Leonard book (Rum Punch is a terrific read, and Be Cool, the Get Shorty sequel, is a much better book than the movie would suggest), TV show (Karen Sisco came and went far too fast) and movie (Out of Sight, Get Shorty to name two). But, as good as I thought Justified might be, I am tickled to say after 3 season it is even better than I had hoped.

A Review Of Last Nights Episode By My Favorite TV Critic, Alan Sepinwall

Justified is that rare TV show where they don't tell you people are good or bad at what they do, they show you. Think how rare that is in today's TV. We are told that McDreamy is the world's best neurosurgeon, so we never question his judgement. We are told which cops are smart, which cops are good. We are told which lawyers are better and how much smarter they are than others. Justified doesn't tell us anything, it shows us everything. We know Raylan is good with a gun and cool under pressure because we have seen him use his gun and deal with pressure in nearly every episode. We know when criminals are smart because they do very smart things, not because Raylan walks into the office and tells someone "if we're going up against Boyd Crowder you'll should know he is really smart". We know Raylan is hard to live with because we see how hard it would be to live with him. There are very few TV shows (or movies for that matter) that trust their writing and their actors enough to not tell you what they think you need to know, they let you figure it all out.

Of course, with the actors and writers they have on Justified, that kind of faith must come easy. Check out this clip from the season 2 finale ...

Do yourself a favor and start watching Justified (season 3's finale is next Tuesday on FX). And, as a side note, if Seth Bullock is in my top 10 or 15, Raylan Givens has got to be in my top 5, perhaps even my top 3.

Unsolicited Advice For DC Comic

They Aren't Asking For It, They Probably Don't Want To Hear It, But They Should Really Listen To It

DC Entertainment

(Let's get our Geek on!)

Don't be fooled by the imminent blockbuster that is The Dark Knight Rises, as a studio DC Entertainment needs some help. While it's main rival, Marvel, seems to be able to pop out hit after hit from their staple of superheroes (even the one's they no longer produce like Spiderman and the X-Men) DC can't get anything that doesn't have Batman or The Dark Knight in the title to be viewed as anything other than a dud. Why? A lot of reasons actually. Some because their individual heroes don't fit as neatly into the "origins" story lines that Marvel keeps tapping into (say what you will about Stan Lee, the man knew how to write an origins story). Some because they have failed to recognize which superheroes will translate and which one's won't. And some because they have just made bad movies. The good news is there is hope.

Batman is about to take over the world!

First, superhero and comic based movies are as popular now as they have ever been. Last summer the four "superhero" movies grossed nearly $1.4 billion world wide combined, that is nearly $350 million a movie. That total is made more impressive when you think about who the movies were about. It wasn't a summer of Spiderman or Batman or Wolverine or Iron Man, it was the summer of Thor and Captain America and Green Lantern and a period piece with the X-Men. This summer, with three of the biggest superheroes on the way, should blow that number away (don't be surprised in The Dark Knight Rises beats that total on its own). Add to that the success of The Walking Dead on TV and comic book adaptations don't appear to be loosing momentum anywhere.

Second, while Marvel may have the "deeper" stable of superheroes, no one can compete with the top of DC's superhero roster. IGN, one of the leading "geek" and gaming websites in the world, recently published their list of the top 100 comic book superheroes of all time and DC had 3 of the top 5 and 5 of the top 8. Superman #1, Batman #2, Wonder Woman #5, Hal Jordan (The Green Lantern) #7 and Wally West (The Flash) #8. You can argue placement all you want, but what is nearly impossible to argue is that Superman is #1 and Batman is #2 and even the most die hard Marvel fan would have to put Wonder Woman somewhere in the top 7 or 8.

Finally, with the launch of The New 52 comics to great success (commercially if not creatively) and their continued success in their animated department, both with what they are doing on TV with Cartoon Network and their direct to video animated features that have long been considered the best in the business (see trailer for Justice League Doom below), DC's other divisions are healthy and strong. The success of these other areas shows that DC's army of superheroes is more than viable and still resonates with young and old.

So, what should they do? Here are a few ideas (some of which go together, some don't).

Forget Origin Stories

The Worst Origin Story Ever?

Three issues here. First, your origins either stink or have been done to death. Wonder Woman's origin is simply awful. Green Arrow's is trite. Hal Jordan's you just butchered by trying to fit it into the "origins model" that Marvel has made popular. Aquaman, Flash, Blue Beatle, you've heard them all before even if you aren't a fan of those characters. The fact is, most of DC's origins were written 60+ years ago, at a time when "origins" didn't matter (kind of like today's sitcoms and their initial premise, look how quickly Cougar Town, Happy Endings completely abandoned their pilot story lines). Comic book writers wanted to create heroes they could start telling stories with, and "where they came from" wasn't the stories they wanted to tell. So, why bother trying to tell them now?

Second, most people know your heroes already, they don't need to see where their origin. Does anyone need to see a Aquaman's origin story? No. Time Burton did this brilliantly with the first Batman, just jump right in and tell the back story in a scene or two over the course of the movie.

Third, why try to make the same movies that Marvel is making? Sure, you can claim you did the first great origins movie in 1980 with Dick Donner's original Superman (see trailer below), but, with the arguable exception of Batman Begins, you haven't made a good one since. Meanwhile, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Spiderman have all come out and solidified Marvel as the kings of the superhero origins movie. And that's fine. Origins are overrated and you have plenty of great movies to make, so stop making movies that feel like bad Marvel movies.

Do What You Said You Would Do With The New 52

The New 52, the relaunching of DC's comics, was sold as a "starting from scratch" move by DC comics. No longer would the writers have 60, 70 80 years of comic book and character history they had to worry about when writing new stories. Now they could re-imagine and modernize the heroes. Now they would be free to write the heroes the way they wanted to write them. It sounded exciting and a little crazy and in the end it has been a financial success and in a lot of ways they cheated. How did they cheat? Well, what the writers did was they simply took the time to pick and choose what part of the history happened and what parts didn't (you can't start Batman at #1 and have Nightwing and have Red Hood and The Outlaws since that is two of Batman's three previous Robins), so we are left with a newish 52 that with each passing week feels more and more like The New 52 was nothing more than a marketing ploy because all the comics could have happened without resetting everything to #1.

I am not going to pretend to know enough about comics and the comic book industry to judge DC's marketing of The New 52 or the legitimacy of it, but I will say this, that is exactly what they need to with your movies (and TV shows). Whether you start with origin stories or not, throw out the comics and the old movies and the old TV shows and everything else and start making these things new and fresh. Stop worrying about fanboy outrage because here is the secret, if the movie is good they don't care how closely you held to the source material (don't believe me? look at The Dark Knight). So rethink the whole thing and come up with setting for characters that make sense and recognize that some characters need desperately to be rethought before they can find success on the big screen.

For instance, how about we throw out the Wonder Woman wins the right to bring Steve Trevor back to the man's world because it is a little silly and it always makes her seem a little less strong (she followed him out of love after all). Why not have her bring Steve back because he is unwittingly threatening the Amazons in some way, make her coming to our world an act of sacrifice for her people not a sacrifice for some dude. Wonder Woman never plays as well when she is played innocent or naive, she is great when she is short tempered and impatient with evil and dishonesty. Everything you do with her should make her be stronger, not weaker. Make no mistake, Wonder Woman is the great untapped resource of the DC universe, if you make her strong and beautiful you will have the fanboys out en masse and you will finally have a superhero for the girls to call their own.

Let's make Aquaman an eco terrorist. Think Whale Wars meets Thor.*

*I heard this idea on The Geek Show Podcast and I loved it, so I had to use it here.

Green Arrow, as written and used, is an entirely redundant character. He is Batman in green. The tragedy of it is he doesn't have to be. Not only is there a place for, there is a need for an anti-batman. Where Bruce Wayne is born to wealth, have Oliver Queen be born to poverty and make his own wealth (think Steve Jobs). Where Batman is born from personal tragedy, have Green Arrow be born from societal ills alone. Basically, have the Green Arrow be what it has always seemed like he should be, a modern day Robin Hood. Have him steal from the rich and give to the poor. Have his "sherwood forest" be the ghetto, where he partners with gangs and other seeming criminals who are really just doing what they need to do to survive. Have him be funny and outwardly devil-may-care. Have him be black. And have him know Batman and call Batman to the carpet for a lot of what Batman does.

We Can't Make One Of These Two Gay?

Pick a lesser Justice League member and make him gay.

Do more with the idea that Red Hood and the Outlaws plays with, that Batman and Green Arrow are totally screwing up these young men they turn into sidekicks.

Re-work the entire history of the DC Universe so that it makes sense as a history. All of these heroes can't have come into being without influence from each other, its an absurd notion. Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor would have known each other forever. Hal Jordan can't be shocked about alien life forms when the most famous person on the planet is an alien (Superman). And in today's world it is ridiculous to think they wouldn't know about each other. Start from scratch, rebuild the whole thing and see what comes out of it.

You Own HBO, Don't You?

Potentially The Coolest Show On TV

This is the biggest advantage DC has, and they have never once used it. Warner Bros. owns DC comics and HBO, so why haven't they made an HBO/DC Comics show yet? Are you telling me that you couldn't make an adult comic book TV show (I'm not talking Spartacus or True Blood "adult", I'm thinking more Game of Thrones or Dark Knight "adult") for roughly the same cost as Game of Thrones that wouldn't draw similar viewers? Its insane. How awesome would a Sandman TV series be? Use Gaiman's original series as a blue print and you would have the trippiest and coolest TV show in the world. And believe me, as popular as George RR Martin and Christine Harris' works are, they don't have more fans than Sandman or any of a number of DC properties. How about your re-working of the DC Universe? You could do the entire thing in series form and flow movies out of it. Remember, comics are series, they aren't wholly contained stories that make good movies. Take advantage of it.

Don't Forget About Vertigo

The truth is, what I said at the beginning about DC's success, or lack there of, as a movie studio wasn't entirely accurate. Apart from Batman, DC has had some success with titles from their other imprints, Vertigo in particular. V for Vendetta, A History of Violence, The Losers and Constantine all originated from Vertigo. They haven't even touched three of their biggest Vertigo titles, Sandman (see HBO idea above), 100 Bullets and American Vampire. Wildstorm has some untapped gems as well (Bruce Willis' RED came from this imprint) -- Tom Strong, Stormwatch and The Authority come immediately to mind. The point is, there is a lot of stuff in the DC family, and some of the best of it isn't from DC Comics. Keep looking for some of these lesser titles that might translate better to movies. And I didn't even mention Preacher, which might be the coolest thing DC has (under Vertigo).

The Coolest Thing In DC

Do the Obvious

The most popular superhero in the world is Superman, and he has a big problem (one shared by a few others in the DC universe), he's too powerful. From a movie point of view, where the main character must fight through a conflict that has significant and significantly negative consequences, this has left us with only two (so far) Superman stories that have worked. Superman worked because he had to deal with two conflicts, one, should he use the powers he was given and two where is the line that he must impose himself on the degree of those powers he uses (he turns back time to save Lois for those who have forgotten). And, Superman II worked because he had to face being as powerful as he was so defeat was a real possibility. The other Superman movies tried to replicate the danger of Superman two and/or the conundrum of Superman and none have really worked (mostly because Superman isn't the key, the key is the villain). So, what is the obvious thing to do? The same thing the comic book division realized in the 1990's, you have to kill Superman.

Picture this movie, the world is under attack from an alien species and The Justice League has teamed with the armed forces to fight off the invasion (think the beginning of Saving Private Ryan, you just jump right into the middle of a massive war). Justice League members are spread far and wide as the invasion is a synchronized attack against military forces all over the world. As the battle rages everywhere the enemy sends its most powerful weapon to attack the President (maybe President Lex Luthor), who happens to be in Metropolis and Superman alone must face him as the rest of the Justice Leagues battles other forces. I know some people hate Darkseide and Doomsday, but you don't have to follow that part exactly, make them new, scarier beings (something closer to Darth Vader for Darkseide role and a cool and scary cyborg with kryptonite fists as the ultimate weapon). Lois Lane works for CNN and is on the scene with her camera man (Jimmy Olsen) as Superman has his epic battle which he wins, but in winning dies. Make that movie, with subplots involving Wonder Woman and Batman and the Green Lantern and all the other Justice League heroes and you not only have a blockbuster, you have successfully launched the entirety of the DC universe as a movie franchise.

Epilogue

DC has a lot going for it, not the least of which is that Batman movies will keep you in the black for a long time. All they need to do now is to do exactly what Christopher Nolan did with Batman ... make really good movies. A good Superman movie will work. A good Green Lantern movie will work. Good movies will work. Good TV shows will work. It sounds simple, but simple is true in this instance.

One last piece of advice, quit making movies by committee. Anyone who watched Green Lantern could almost see which scenes were brought in by the marketing department (the Hot Wheels saving the helicopter scene), where the suits influenced the plot (did they really need Blake Lively in that movie?) and when the fanboys got their say (the good parts actually, when he was on Oa). The movie should have left earth and been an outer space adventure. It wasn't because someone with the check book said that wouldn't play, they were wrong! Find a director, a writer, a creative team and let them make movies, you will have a much higher success rate if you get out of your own way.

That's my opinion anyway. But hey, what do I know, I'm fat.